Vincent Safuto’s Weblog

Notes and observations

Better off alone? Part 2

In my last post, I made an inaccurate statement because I forgot that I had – at one time – actually succeeded in asking a woman out and even going out with her for a time.

All the dates with her were hands-off, as she “wasn’t ready for a relationship,” though she was not averse to me paying when we went out. It was kind of a touchy situation, though, because her mother worked with me at the post office, however.

It started when I met the young lady through her mother, who had started with me at the post office in January 1983. It must have been around the middle of 1983 when I was invited to their house for dinner, and met the girl. I had the family’s phone number and was full of bravery then. I called and asked her out.

We went out, but like I said it never went anywhere. I do remember that she said that the women in that era were looking out for guys who wanted to get married, because they didn’t.

Having dispensed with that situation, I’d like to write more now about why I think my being alone is actually good for society.

In my walks in and around the University of Florida campus, I see many young women who are attractive and mostly pretty intelligent. They are working on their future, and perhaps at some time a part of that future will be to connect with a man, get married and maybe have children. Of course, I am out of the picture because I’m old enough to be their father and very unattractive, but I can always look.

The thing is that they have to make the right choice, the choice that women made when I was young and interested in them. Society benefits when women find stable relationships not only with men, but with the right men. Men of education, intelligence, industry, eagerness to pursue opportunities and much more. While I believe that I have – and in the past, had — all those qualities, I lack the indefinable quality that would make me marriage material, and I always have lacked that quality.

Women see that now and saw that when I was younger. My theory is that by rejecting me, they were acting to prevent the species from reproducing less attractive men who might have some good qualities but are nonetheless bad for society.

Let’s face it. I have little to offer. I work nights and weekends, am barely getting by due to having to pay for a house and an apartment, and my hobbies aren’t exactly the ones that draw women. Being non-religious means many women think I am an amoral monster. Being into astronomy means that I like to take out my telescope and look at the stars.

I like to join clubs and groups, but working nights and weekends means I’m at my desk when the local humanist group or astronomy club holds its meetings or events. Those events where I might meet someone are closed to me. The irony is that I had I been a wild or irresponsible or rebellious teenager, possibly on hard drugs, today I’d probably be married with children, and acclaimed as a wonderful man who “turned his life around.” By taking responsibility and being the kind of man people could count on, I ended up alone.

It could be a lot worse. I see and read about men all the time who have self-destructed, and yet I wonder sometimes as even the worst men, the least productive, have loving wives. As for me, I have resigned myself to a life of solitude, and my comfort is that I’m helping future generations.

That’s because by being unable to connect with a woman, I am making sure that another, more worthy man finds his mate and benefits the larger society. Even more important, I am preventing an eventual divorce that would add to the statistics that so many people cite as a reason for imminent societal collapse.

I suppose the final reason I need to stay out of the marriage and relationship market is more selfish: I kind of want things on my own terms, and might have to sacrifice privacy or much more to even have a relationship.

Finding someone would require up to five years of concentrated effort and expensive dating, and even then I might end up alone. It may be easier and better to just resign myself to being alone and accepting that I am just not going to experience what nearly everyone gets to experience: love and acceptance.


December 2, 2010 - Posted by | Living in the modern age | , , ,

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