Vincent Safuto’s Weblog

Notes and observations

Getting ready for the ordeal of ordeals

On Thursday, Dec. 29, I am planning big changes in my life. But first, I have to participate in a ritual that can turn the average person into a quivering hunk of terrified jelly.

Sure, I will find out my future job status, but I am also planning to grab change by the horns, and with luck I won’t end up in the hospital with puncture wounds. What awesome challenge am I, the man who survived Parris Island, the post office and four adoring felines, about to face?

I am going to change my cable service by cutting out TV and telephone, and eliminate my TiVo service.

Downgrading my cable service from TV-Phone-Internet to Internet guarantees me a trip to the section of phone hell called “customer retention.” See, you can increase your services with relative ease, since the cable company gets more of your money. But if you attempt to reduce your services, I know from experience that they will do everything short of threats to first-borns to stop you from committing this terrible offense.

I am girding my loins for the arguments about the terrors of not having even basic cable. How it’s just wrong for me to cancel my landline, even though I can get the same services – and more – for less from a cellphone. And how Internet alone is just wrong, wrong, wrong, though it’s offered.

The folks in retention are trained to act as if they’re financial advisers, warning you of the terrible economic consequences of your plan to cut your service. I will be strong. I will be strong. I WILL BE STRONG.

I will also miss terribly my favorite shows, but can catch some of them on Hulu or other sites. And someday, when my economic status improves, I may be able to again afford the whole magilla, and that will be a glorious day.

Ending TiVo is a bit harder, but must also be done. I feel bad about it. It’s been a part of my life since 2005, and has made watching TV so much better, and time-shifting – an essential part of life when you work nights – a snap. But without cable, there’s no need for TiVo. I can save even more money by dumping it, and can just play back what I’ve recorded already.

There’s a lot of talk about change in the world, but the people in charge like change when they can impose it on those below them. I am imposing change on my betters here, and they had better get used to it.

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December 29, 2011 - Posted by | Life lessons, Living in the modern age | , , , , ,

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