Vincent Safuto’s Weblog

Notes and observations

There’s more to being an adult than being married

Eight cars. Four houses. Five mortgages. (I recently successfully refinanced my latest mortgage). Several apartments.

Six years of military service in the U.S Marine Corps, four active and two inactive reserve.

Numerous jobs. Responsibilities met to the satisfaction of others.

Bills paid, contracts entered into, arrangements made and carried out.

It’s quite a list, but when you’re 52 years old and have never shirked responsibilities it’s daunting to consider everything you’ve done in your life, from signing the papers in triplicate that a whole forest gave so you could join the Marines to filling out the forms for your latest job.

I live in a house in a suburban subdivision in Ellenton, Fla., on Florida’s west coast. I’ve owned my current home since February 2006 and – except for the nearly two years when I lived in Gainesville – have laid my head in the bed there every night.

It seems to amaze many journalists and commentators on the American scene that there actually are people out there who are living these suburban lives of lawn care, walking through the community and talking with neighbors, and holding down middle-class jobs, and are not only not married but also living alone.

I have rarely had relationships with women, a status some might attribute to a lack of desire, but more a lack of opportunity to find anyone. I have worked nights and weekends for much of my adult life, and it seems like whenever there was an event I wanted to attend, I had to work that night. And for other times, the reality is that often I am too tired out from my job to go.

Also, I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I mean, eventually I would have to “come out” as a night and weekend worker, and it hurts to tell a woman who might be interested in me that she will be spending her Friday and Saturday nights alone if she commits to me. Small wonder that women have decided to “throw me back” and try to do better.

But while I couldn’t find a job that didn’t have a night shift – and wasn’t short on that night shift – I was determined to have the life I wanted.

What is so frustrating is when I read about another example where society takes a dim view of being single, and implies that the single people are living wild lives of irresponsibility and dissipation. Working at a newspaper, I see the outcome of bad marriages and relationships every day. Those folks had “settled down” and gotten married, so I wonder what happened.


March 13, 2013 - Posted by | Life lessons, Living in the modern age | , ,

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